World’s Greatest Matchmaker
by strayphoenix
Summary: Elyon challenges Irma for her supposed title of World’s Greatest Matchmaker. Takes place in season two before J is for Jewel. My first Irma fic! Come to think of it, my first Elyon fic too! NOT SLASH


**_World's Greatest Matchmaker_**

_Summary_: Elyon challenges Irma for her supposed title of World's Greatest Matchmaker. Takes place in season two before J is for Jewel. My first Irma fic! Come to think of it, my first Elyon fic too! NOT SLASH

_Note: A little AU because Hay Lin has already flipped for Eric :) and Elyon is still attending school._

_Note 2: This fic is for Sokai, even if she doesn't want it. _

_Disclaimer_: WITCH, Elyon, Caleb, Matt, Nigel, and Joel are not mine. However, Fillere and Kolga are. The song is Fillere's and since he belongs to me, it's actually mine. Muahaha… It's called "You're My Waterfall".

* * *

Elyon drummed her fingers on the table as she waited in the huge dining room with a long royal table stacked up with food. She had invited her friends to a big Meridian dinner at her palace and they were late! She couldn't believe it. And the food was so tempting. 

She looked both ways to make sure that no one else was in the dining room with her and she slowly and slyly reached for a chicken leg.

At the exact moment the doors swung open. Elyon jumped in embarrassment but collected herself as one of the palace's royal guards entered.

"Your Majesty," he announced, "Irma Denise Lair, Guardian of Water, Lover of Karmilla, Watcher of Boy Comet, Kicker of Phobos' Butt, and World's Greatest Matchmaker has arrived"

"You know, Kolga" she said rolling her eyes, "you could've just said 'Irma is here'"

"I know, but she insisted" he responded, giving Irma a sidelong glance that implied that she had _really_ insisted as she entered the throne room.

"What's up, Ellie?" she asked as she came over to sit next to Elyon who was sitting at the head of the table. Elyon laughed and got up to hug Irma as Kolga re-shut the doors.

"The usual" was her response as they both sat down. "Where are the others?"

"Will is at Matt's concert which should be over soon" Irma said, counting off with her fingers, "Taranee is shopping for school supplies with her dad, Hay Lin's running a little late because she had double duty at the Dragon, and last I heard, Corny and Caleb are still fighting over yesterday"

"I guess we should expect to see only one of them, then" she sighed with a little smile.

"**_I _**guess we should eat!" Irma announced eyeing the long table crowded with food.

"As Princess of Meridian I should be courteous and wait for all of my guests to arrive" she explained. Then a smirk crossed her face, "But as Elyon Brown, good God-zilla I'm starving!"

"I'm quite sure the others won't mind" Irma responded with a laugh reaching over and grabbing a purple thing that struck her as appetizing. Elyon snatched up her chicken leg and started eating almost ravenously. Irma stuck the thing in her mouth and after chewing it for a moment, spat it back out on her plate.

"What the heck was that?" she asked as she dramatically cleaned her tongue with her napkin. Elyon laughed and swallowed the piece of chicken she had in her mouth.

"It's devilled Hoogong egg" she explained, "You're supposed to have it with dip"

"Knew that" she said as she reached over to the cup of dip next to the plate she had gotten it from.

"By the way" Elyon started, taking another bite of her chicken, "_What_ on Meridian was that whole intro thing you made Kolga say?"

"I wanted to be introduced properly" she defended herself. The Hoogong eggs with dip tasted much better. "That's my official title"

"'World's Greatest Matchmaker'? I hardly believe you deserve that title" Elyon mock-scoffed.

"Well start believing" Irma said smugly, "I'm the best there is at what I do"

"Oh, really, now?" Elyon asked, her curiosity piqued, "What have you done to deserve such a title?"

Irma went for another strange dish, this one orange and green striped like a weird form of zebra. "Well, for starters, I set up Taranee, Will, Hay Lin, and Cornelia without their knowledge"

"All of them?" Elyon asked surprised. She grabbed another chicken leg, playing it safe seeing that even she didn't know what half the dishes served were.

"You better believe it. You know how Nigel had been crushing on Taranee for **_forever_**? I made sure to clarify that she was available for the school dance to Will in the lunch line the day before" she explained, absolutely loving the zebra-thing meat.

"As I understand, Will and Matt got together of their own free will," Elyon paused, "no pun intended"

"_Mas wot dey_—" Irma started with a full mouth. She swallowed when she realized even she couldn't make out what she was saying. "That's what they want you to think. I slipped Will's birthday invitation straight into his locker and signed it with Will's handwriting so he would think that she invited him _personally_" Irma grinned, very proud of herself.

"And Hay Lin?" Elyon asked, plucking up some bravery and reaching for the zebra-thing Irma was eating.

"I sacrificed my position as her science partner so that she would have to pair up with Eric because he was the only other one without a partner. The events have been set in motion, now it's only a matter of time" she said proudly. "And before you ask, I played a very key role in getting Caleb and Cornelia back together"

Elyon shook her head, "Irma, Irma, Irma…"

Irma looked at her, irked. "What, what, what?"

Elyon had this Cheshire Cat grin painted on her face. "I will admit you are very good but you play on such a small stage…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked as she stopped eating. "Are you challenging my title?"

Elyon put her chicken down and her hands up in surrender. "Oh, I'm not challenging your title. You most definitely are the World's Greatest Matchmaker. I'm just saying, I play on a much bigger stage. I consider myself the _Universe's_ Greatest Matchmaker"

"Oh, really, now?" Irma asked, mocking Elyon's earlier line, "What have **you** done to deserve such a title?"

Elyon took a sip of her drink which had sat rejected by her plate. "First off, you might've pointed out to Nigel that Taranee was free for the dance, but before I left, I had pointed out to Nigel that Taranee was really good at math and would make an excellent tutor. They wouldn't have even gotten to know each other otherwise"

"You expect me to believe this?" Irma asked, crossing her arms.

"Let me finish" Elyon spoke, "Secondly, Joel told me just the other day that Matt had been crushing on **_me_** for a really long time. If I hadn't left to Meridian, he would've probably not pursued Will at all"

"You have no proof of that" Irma stated. Neither of them was eating now.

"Just think about it though. Thirdly, you might've played a key role in getting Caleb and Cornelia back together but _**I** _was the one who convinced Caleb to swallow his pride and come to Earth in the first place"

"And just **_how_** did you set up Eric and Hay Lin before me?" Irma asked with confidence that she had her now. Elyon, however, wasn't easily intimidated.

"Did Eric tell you why he moved here in the first place?" Elyon asked, her Cheshire Cat smile returning.

"Yeah" Irma said, not getting Elyon, "His grandfather is an astronomer. He said that they'd discovered a new star that could be seen most…clearly…from…" It dawned on Irma.

She looked out the window to Meridian's blazing sun that had been nowhere to be found during Phobos' reign, and then back at Elyon whose Cheshire Cat smile never wavered.

"No way" she breathed.

Still with the smile, Elyon nodded.

"All right" Irma grumbled, "Will and Hay don't really count so I guess we're two for two. Still doesn't—"

Irma was interrupted by the doors opening again and Kolga coming in. He opened his mouth to announce something, but then stopped thinking. Then he addressed Elyon directly.

"You're friends are here"

"Let them in. And thank you Kolga" Elyon smiled as she wiped her mouth and got up to greet her friends. Will, Matt, Taranee, Hay Lin, Yan Lin, and Cornelia walked in.

"Sorry we're late" Will apologized.

"It's all right" Elyon said. "I'm just glad you could make it"

Cornelia took her seat next to Elyon and muttered something incomprehensible. Elyon sat back down next to her. "Will Caleb be joining us?" she asked with a sympathetic smile.

"It depends" she responded, "How long does it take an average human being to eat through six vines the size of my arm?"

"It doesn't really matter. By the time he gets here, I'm sure he won't even be hungry" Elyon joked. It brought a smile to Cornelia's face.

Elyon stood up and announced, "Dig in everybody!"

When she sat back down, Irma resumed in a low voice, "As I was saying, we're even. It still doesn't make you the _Universe's_ Greatest Matchmaker, only my equal"

"We'll see, Irma" Elyon said slyly, "We'll see"

* * *

After the end of season 2, Elyon (we are to assume) has been freed and returned to Meridian.

* * *

There was a loud knocking on her study room door. Elyon looked up from the mass of royal documents she had been signing. "Come in" she shouted at the door, as she put her crown back on her head. She took it off in private because it was giving her crown-head. 

She expected to be one of her guards or one of the palace workers. She **_didn't_** expect the very handsome blond hair, blue eyed boy that walked in carrying a bouquet of flowers.

"Queen Elyon?" he asked as he stood by the door. Elyon stumbled to her feet awkwardly.

"Um, yeah, that's me" she said. It sounded extremely idiotic to her.

"Am I interrupting you?" he asked worriedly seeing the mass of papers on her desk. "I can always come back later"

"Oh, no" Elyon smiled kindly, "It's no problem, um…"

"Oh!" he exclaimed, "Right. My name is Prince Fillere from Combusk"

Elyon's breath caught in her throat. A _prince._ And 'charming' was a major understatement.

"Prince Fillere" she repeated, "Um, what brings you to Meridian?"

The boy blushed an awful shade of pink. "I, um, understood you were seeing suitors"

"Suitors?" Elyon asked, surprised. She had never said anything of the sort and she was way too young to get married anyway.

"Yeah" he explained, taking a letter out of his pocket and handing it to Elyon, "I received this at my palace a few days ago"

Elyon looked at the cover of the card. In what looked like colored pencils, was drawn the Meridian Seal in what Elyon knew was unmistakably Irma's artwork. She opened it to read what was written in Irma's attempt at fancy cursive: a formal letter inviting princes from all over to Meridian because Queen Elyon was looking for a consort. Elyon sure hoped that Combusk was the only place Irma had sent this letter.

Something on the right bottom of the card caught her eye. In Irma's regular handwriting, there was a little messy scribble:

_Ellie,  
__Hope you like the pressie! Now we're 3 for 2!  
__Irmy,  
__W.G.M._

Elyon looked back up at Fillere who was looking at the cover of the card.

"If you don't mind me saying, Queen Elyon," he spoke up, "you might want to, um, get rid of your royal painter. He didn't do the seal at all well"

"Oh, I don't have a royal painter" she explained looking at the cover of the card again with her own distaste, "With the exception of this particular card, I usually do most of the royal artwork myself"

"Really?" he asked with a surprised smile, "I do most of mine too"

"You paint?" Elyon asked curiously.

He colored again, embarrassed of his outburst, "Nothing big. I mostly sketch but I can paint if I want to"

Elyon grinned. "Me too!"

He grinned as well, put at ease. Just then he remembered the bouquet he had, "These are for you, by the way" he said, handing her the bouquet of strange flowers, "They're called traickles and they're native only to Combusk"

Elyon took the flowers and, closing her eyes, inhaled deeply. They smelled like incense. She slowly opened them and smiled, "Care to stay for dinner?"

"I'm not due home for another week or so" he explained, still smiling, "Yes"

"Right this way," she addressed him, opening the door and letting him out. "The dining room's just along the left corridor. I'll be along in a minute"

He took the hand that wasn't holding the bouquet and planted a kiss on it. Elyon blushed an unnatural shade of pink before giggling and retracting her hand. She slipped back into her study room and immediately replaced the dying roses on her desk with the traickles. She looked at the card on her desk again and a mischievous smile formed on her lips.

* * *

"You so totally rock my socks Will!" Irma exclaimed as she practically dragged Will, Cornelia and Taranee through the door to the teen club where Wreck 55 and a couple of other bands were playing that night. It was an exclusive VIP party because the lead actor of Boy Comet, Patrick Ludlow, was going to be present. She had practically been stalking Will and Taranee for the past two weeks to see if Matt or Nigel could get another ticket for her. Matt had luckily scored, not one, but two more tickets and fortunately, Will didn't have to choose who to give the other ticket to because Hay Lin was out of town. Irma was so ecstatic, she baked (yes, believe it or not, Irma can bake) Will a whole chocolate cake as a thank you. 

By the time the words 'you're welcome' were out of Will's mouth, Irma was already on top of a chair searching for Patrick. Cornelia rolled her eyes and Taranee and Will shook their heads knowingly and went to the stage where Wreck 55 was setting up for their performance, leaving Irma to her frantic search. She couldn't find his red mop of hair anywhere in the crowd of teenagers and news reporters. She sighed and flopped down on the chair she had been standing on. He probably wasn't here yet. She headed over to the drink bar and ordered a punch.

"Hey Miss Irma" said a voice next to her.

She turned to see Wreck 55's drummer, Joel, who was taking casual sips of water next to her. She expected it was him: he was the only person who called her Miss Irma after a comedy play he had gone to see with Matt and Nigel (1). And even though her stomach flip-flopped since she had been crushing on him for over a month now, she didn't let it show and she kept her calm.

"Hey Joel. Psyched about performing for Patrick?" she asked with her flirtatious smile which seemed to be an inherent characteristic of hers.

"Totally" he replied, smiling, "I'm a totally unhealthy Boy Comet addict"

"Now, Joel" she said looking offended, "I believe that's an insult to all 'totally unhealthy Boy Comet addicts', myself included"

"Do my ears deceive me?" he asked in mock surprise. "Does someone question my loyalty to the greatest show ever made?"

Irma was about to respond with something coy and witty and totally her when Nigel waved Joel over to the stage to help him with some cables.

"My apologies, Miss Irma" he said, tipping an imaginary hat. She laughed and got up to do a courtesy with an imaginary dress. After he became lost in the crowd, she ran back to her chair with her drink and climbed back up to see if she could catch a glimpse of Patrick. She couldn't find Patrick, however, she did catch a glimpse of Cornelia, Taranee and Will waving her over to where they were standing in the crowd. Just at that moment, the lights began to dim as the concert was starting and Irma jumped down from her chair and swiftly made her way over to where her friends were standing, only a few feet away from the stage but not the first people directly in front of it. Irma observed Will's grin as Matt came up to the mike to speak to the audience.

"Good Evening, Heatherfield!" he shouted. His response was a deafening roar from the crowd. He pretended to clear his ear.

"What was that? I said, '**GOOD EVENING, HEATHERFIELD**!'" he shouted even louder again. If the first response was deafening, this one was mind blowing.

"That's what I thought I heard!" he laughed.

"We love you, Matt!" some girls screamed in unison from the back of the crowd. Irma snickered at Will's reaction. She looked ready to go back there and strangle them. No one got jealous like Will.

"I appreciate the comment, ladies," Matt said with a smile, "but I already have girlfriend" He indicated to Will in the audience who raised her hand and turned to the crowd. The crowd applauded her and Irma could've sworn she heard Will make a snide comment under her breath. Something along the lines of, "Take a good look, groupies!"

"Speaking of my love life, this first song is for Will. **LET'S ROCK**!" he shouted as he played the beginning power chord to "The Will to Love" and Joel took off on the drums.

Irma jammed with her friends to the song, keeping one eye open for Patrick. It would've been the coolest if she got to brush up against him in the tightness of the crowd. Following the song, after the applause, came Wreck 55's other hit, "The Demon In Me". She cheered as Joel finished the song with a drum solo and applauded once it was over. Once again she started to look around for Patrick.

"And now, for our final piece, we have a special dedication from our awesome drummer, Joel, to Miss Irma Lair" Matt spoke into the mike.

Irma froze. _What?_

She turned back towards the stage. Joel was saying something to Matt away from his mike. Not that it would have mattered because she wouldn't have been able to hear it over the roar of the crowd. Joel was blushing something awful and was clearly not happy with Matt. Before he could finish what he was saying, however, Matt began playing. Joel reluctantly followed his lead. Irma had never heard Wreck 55 play this particular song…

"_You're my superstar:  
__A genius on the guitar  
__You're my free-for-all  
__My cold splash of reality  
__And my wake up call of sensibility  
__You are my waterfall_

"_If nothing else it seems to me,  
__That I really needed you  
__More than you needed me  
__Because you're the one who pushed me into  
__This world without a floatie_

"_Cuz you're my superstar:  
__A genius on the guitar  
__You're my know-it-all  
__My cold splash of reality  
__And my wake up call of sensibility  
__You are my waterfall_

_"When I'm drowning in this life  
__And nothing seems to be going right  
I look for you  
__In an ocean of blue  
__And suddenly I'm back in the light_

"_You're my waterfall  
__You're my one-for-all  
__A genius on the guitar…_

" 

"_You're my superstar:  
__A genius on the guitar  
__You're my free-for-all  
__My cold splash of reality  
__And my wake up call of sensibility  
__You are my waterfall  
__My waterfall"_

"That's it" Cornelia commented, applauding the end of the song, "Will's got a song, Irma's got a song…Caleb is writing me a song if I have to strap him to a chair with plastic rope and glue a pencil to his hand!"

"Which is probably what you're going to have to end up doing" Irma laughed. She had really enjoyed the song. She didn't know if Matt or Joel had written the song due to the references to her water powers which only Matt knew about but she appreciated the dedication.

"Thank you all for coming, have a great rest of the night! Party hard!" Matt shouted into the mike again before sprinting off the stage like someone was chasing him. In fact, someone _was_ chasing him. Joel practically threw down his drumsticks and took off after Matt across the stage and down the stairs to the floor. Irma elbowed her way through the crowd to them.

"Joel!" she called out when she spotted him. He was looking around for Matt who had vanished. He colored again when he saw her.

"Hey, Miss Irma. Sorry about that. Totally wasn't my idea. I don't even know _where_ Matt got those lyrics," he told her, embarrassed.

She shrugged. "It was an awesome song though"

"Well, I did write the music for it. I just had different lyrics" he muttered.

She put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't sweat it. One of my girlfriends probably put him up to it"

"When you find out who it is, can I strangle her?" he smiled. Irma smiled too. He was so much cuter when he was embarrassed.

"Only when I'm done with her" Irma laughed which made Joel laugh too. He took the hand she had on his shoulder. "Hey, Matt and Nigel are taking Will and Taranee to the Golden for dinner. Care to join us, Miss Irma?"

Irma was about to reply with something along the lines of, 'I am so totally there it's insane' when she was interrupted by a voice.

"Excuse me, are you Irma Lair?"

Irma and Joel slowly turned around. It was a very familiar voice. In fact, they heard it every Thursday night at nine on channel 68.

"Patrick?" Irma managed to wheeze out. Her lungs just weren't accepting air. She was afraid that her heart would stop accepting blood too when she caught sight of his straight red hair from under his hat and evergreen eyes peeking over dark sunglasses. Joel was just as stunned.

"Are you Irma?" he asked again. Irma managed a nod, her inner voice shrieking into her head, 'PETER LUDLOW KNOWS MY NAME!!!'.

He looked at both of them and then nodded his approval.

"Cool song, guys" he said, putting his sunglasses back on and walking away. There was a moment of silence as the two of them watched him walk away. Irma spoke up first.

"If I pass out, can you catch me?" she asked him, half joking, half serious.

"Not if I'm already unconscious" he responded. The shot each other sidelong glances and burst out laughing.

"Let me call my dad and tell him of the change of plans" she told him, "Go grab the set of love birds"

Joel walked off in the direction where he had last seen Nigel as Irma headed to a pay phone because she still didn't have a cell phone. She was fishing through her jacket pocket for change when her hand brushed against a piece of paper she didn't remember sticking in her pocket. She pulled it out and read aloud to herself the note written on it:

_Wow Irma, you found me an artist **and** a poet/songwriter! I must really commend your matchmaking skills. I hope you liked my thank you present. Sorry he's not a real prince but I do believe drummers can be considered princes of rock (lol). Now we're 3 for 3!  
__love, Elyon  
__W.G.M. **2**  
__PS: Don't strangle Matt. I had him under mind control. Bwahaha! (lol)_

Irma rolled her eyes. She should've guessed. She put the note back in her pocket, found her change, called her father and told him of the change of plans and then headed back over to Matt, Nigel, Will, Taranee, Cornelia and Joel.

"Sorry to make you odd-man-out, Corny" Irma apologized to Cornelia with a tease. "We all know how much you hate to be unusual"

"Oh, you're a riot" Cornelia responded rolling her eyes. "But really, I've got to go home now anyway. I've a competition tomorrow morning"

"No problem" Taranee responded from under Nigel's protective arm, "We'll see you tomorrow"

Cornelia waved goodbye and headed off in the opposite direction of the group towards her house. Before she was out of earshot, however, Irma turned and called to her.

"By the way, if you pass by an open store, be sure you buy a roll of duct tape! It'll be harder for Caleb to get out of than rope!"

* * *

(1) _The Mystery of Irma Vep_ is some of the best acting I have ever seen. The _entire_ play is done by two guys playing about five roles each and changing outfits in seconds to be back onstage with a different character. It's also hilarious! 

Hoped you enjoyed! Please review! And btw, Vernacula has been updated too.


End file.
